This is Tony Alleyne, of Leicester UK, who for some reason or another, has been popping up this week in various forms of media. Well, two to be precise. I can only assume that he has a new agent.
Now, I have heard of Tony before. Sadly, he appears to resurface onto our TV screens now and then based purely on what he has done to his flat (or apartment, if you live outside the UK).
In 2005, after his marriage broke down (and I can't for the life of me figure out why), he decided to convert the flat, that his wife still owned, into a 24th Century Star Trek environment, complete with:
Now, I have heard of Tony before. Sadly, he appears to resurface onto our TV screens now and then based purely on what he has done to his flat (or apartment, if you live outside the UK).
In 2005, after his marriage broke down (and I can't for the life of me figure out why), he decided to convert the flat, that his wife still owned, into a 24th Century Star Trek environment, complete with:
Control panels (Switches, to you and I)
Light-up schematics (Lights, to you and I)
Engineering stations (Kitchen counter, to you and I)
Transporter platform (Waste of money, to you and I)
As well as numerous other Trekkie features.
Now while I don't think that this is the first time that a partner in the middle of a divorce has done something a bit "off the wall" to their soon-to-be-ex partner's walls, floors, and ceilings, I am amazed though that at nowhere during this entire process did his wife turn up with her legal department, armed with baseball bats to persuade him to maybe just put up some new wallpaper instead.
He was so tickled by the concept that he had stumbled upon that he decided to start his own company called 24th Century Design, in the hope that others would hire him to do the same to their homes. Sadly after spending £30,000 on modernising his wife's flat, and investing £100,000 in his company, it folded and left him bankrupt. Even more tragically, he had to use his Income Support payments to pay for the finishing touches to the flat. I'm sure that money is supposed to go towards food and electricity though, and speaking of which, just how much electricity does that place get through? I mean, I don't think he has a working Warp Core, and those aren't candles behind those panels....
Anyway, this week, he appeared on a new "Come Dine With Me" style show where a group of "contestants" go for dinner at each other's houses, poke around through their cupboards, looking for whips and handcuffs (and in many cases finding them), before rating the home out of 10.
At the end of the programme, the person with the most points wins......... something or other?
The group were a bit taken aback by the Starship Failed-Enterprise and even I have to admit that the place is very impressive. But in a very insane kind of way. As a set, it's fine. But as a home, not so much.
For a start, it has no natural light, as all of the windows have been covered up. Perfect unless you have claustrophobia and a very real fear of silvery walls closing in and suffocating you to death. Then there are the kitchen cupboards that he has designed to magnetically "pop" off the front of the unit, like the access panels on a Star Trek ship.
My kitchen cupboards used to do exactly the same thing in my old house. Although not exactly a feature that I would pay a premium for. Losing a toe to a cupboard door when you're trying to have some cereal at 2:00am is not what I would call cool.
And then there is the lack of a bed. That's right, there is no bed or even a bedroom in the entire place. There is the kitchen, a bench, a transporter platform, and a bathroom with shower and a quite disappointingly 20th Century porcelain toilet. I feel that a joke about Klingons at this point would be hugely obvious and not very clever.
Apparently he had asked himself that age old question that has troubled man for eons; do I really need a bed?
Not when I can have a transporter platform instead!
So each night, if we are to believe him, he settles down on the floor of his electricity-sucking mid-life crisis incarnate bachelor pad, somewhere between his transporter and the bench.
Light-up schematics (Lights, to you and I)
Engineering stations (Kitchen counter, to you and I)
Transporter platform (Waste of money, to you and I)
As well as numerous other Trekkie features.
Now while I don't think that this is the first time that a partner in the middle of a divorce has done something a bit "off the wall" to their soon-to-be-ex partner's walls, floors, and ceilings, I am amazed though that at nowhere during this entire process did his wife turn up with her legal department, armed with baseball bats to persuade him to maybe just put up some new wallpaper instead.
He was so tickled by the concept that he had stumbled upon that he decided to start his own company called 24th Century Design, in the hope that others would hire him to do the same to their homes. Sadly after spending £30,000 on modernising his wife's flat, and investing £100,000 in his company, it folded and left him bankrupt. Even more tragically, he had to use his Income Support payments to pay for the finishing touches to the flat. I'm sure that money is supposed to go towards food and electricity though, and speaking of which, just how much electricity does that place get through? I mean, I don't think he has a working Warp Core, and those aren't candles behind those panels....
Anyway, this week, he appeared on a new "Come Dine With Me" style show where a group of "contestants" go for dinner at each other's houses, poke around through their cupboards, looking for whips and handcuffs (and in many cases finding them), before rating the home out of 10.
At the end of the programme, the person with the most points wins......... something or other?
The group were a bit taken aback by the Starship Failed-Enterprise and even I have to admit that the place is very impressive. But in a very insane kind of way. As a set, it's fine. But as a home, not so much.
For a start, it has no natural light, as all of the windows have been covered up. Perfect unless you have claustrophobia and a very real fear of silvery walls closing in and suffocating you to death. Then there are the kitchen cupboards that he has designed to magnetically "pop" off the front of the unit, like the access panels on a Star Trek ship.
My kitchen cupboards used to do exactly the same thing in my old house. Although not exactly a feature that I would pay a premium for. Losing a toe to a cupboard door when you're trying to have some cereal at 2:00am is not what I would call cool.
And then there is the lack of a bed. That's right, there is no bed or even a bedroom in the entire place. There is the kitchen, a bench, a transporter platform, and a bathroom with shower and a quite disappointingly 20th Century porcelain toilet. I feel that a joke about Klingons at this point would be hugely obvious and not very clever.
Apparently he had asked himself that age old question that has troubled man for eons; do I really need a bed?
Not when I can have a transporter platform instead!
So each night, if we are to believe him, he settles down on the floor of his electricity-sucking mid-life crisis incarnate bachelor pad, somewhere between his transporter and the bench.
Cosy.
I picture him wrapped in a piece of futuristic tinfoil.
Of course man has survived without beds before. There was a time when our mattress was just the dirt of the ground, our pillow....a rock of granite, the roof over our heads......the cave ceiling, and our alarm clock was the gentle mooing of the Cave Bear as it woke us up with its teeth in our brain.
So it appears that in the 24th Century we will come full circle and be sleeping on the floor again. Isn't progress wonderful?
Oh and the other bit of media he appeared in was a certain tabloid newspaper, which I shan't name, but it's kinda a big glowy thing in the sky.
According to the newspaper article, Tony was left "heartbroken" this week, "HEARTBROKEN", to discover that his high-tech flat had been invaded by some very low-tech mould.
It is believed that the mould was caused by condensation from the heat radiating from the downstairs neighbour's highly illegal cannabis farm.
Come on Tony! If you were really smart, you would have been harnessing the thermal energy and using it to power your warp coil, or your microwave, or something.
Not a strange building to live in at all........
One tenant wants to be in space, while another wants to be spaced out.
Tony said "It was in the bathroom and the transporter. It was a nightmare."
The bathroom and the transporter? That's almost his entire house!
Of course man has survived without beds before. There was a time when our mattress was just the dirt of the ground, our pillow....a rock of granite, the roof over our heads......the cave ceiling, and our alarm clock was the gentle mooing of the Cave Bear as it woke us up with its teeth in our brain.
So it appears that in the 24th Century we will come full circle and be sleeping on the floor again. Isn't progress wonderful?
Oh and the other bit of media he appeared in was a certain tabloid newspaper, which I shan't name, but it's kinda a big glowy thing in the sky.
According to the newspaper article, Tony was left "heartbroken" this week, "HEARTBROKEN", to discover that his high-tech flat had been invaded by some very low-tech mould.
It is believed that the mould was caused by condensation from the heat radiating from the downstairs neighbour's highly illegal cannabis farm.
Come on Tony! If you were really smart, you would have been harnessing the thermal energy and using it to power your warp coil, or your microwave, or something.
Not a strange building to live in at all........
One tenant wants to be in space, while another wants to be spaced out.
Tony said "It was in the bathroom and the transporter. It was a nightmare."
The bathroom and the transporter? That's almost his entire house!
If you are interested in Tony and what he can do to your home, then please check out his website: http://www.24thcid.com/
If you are interested in Tony's downstairs neighbour and what he can do for your greenhouse, then check out your local paper, under the "Up in Court" section.
If you are interested in Tony's downstairs neighbour and what he can do for your greenhouse, then check out your local paper, under the "Up in Court" section.
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