Just No!

The park near my house has a sign just like this one by the entrance. Without being breed specific, you would correctly take it to mean "No Dogs Allowed".

Just in case pictures don't do it for you, there is also a written notice (about 9 feet up in the air, I might add, and I will) stating what the local town council do not want in the park. It says a little something like no dogs, no fires, no violence, no camping, etc.

So.......

No dogs?

Just no to dogs?

I can take a cat in there?

How about a hamster?

Can I take a goat in there?

What about a housefly?

80 sheep?

A huge horde of stampeding wildebeest, roaming majestically around the see-saw?

A LION!

A lion and a bear?

While I'm on the subject of signs, you know those signs in car parks that say things like "Motorists! Protect Your Valuables!" or "Car Thieves Operate In This Area" or "Keep Your Valuables Out Of Sight", that sort of thing. Well have you ever seen a sign that says "Thieves! Don't steal!"? Or how about "Don't Break Into That Car!"?

There are signs that tell people not to drop litter. But have you ever seen a sign that says don't mug, rob or murder people?

And when have you ever seen a published list of laws that shouldn't be broken? Do you ever remember those lessons in school. The ones where we were taught not to harm others, steal or commit fraud? No? Me neither. There are hundreds of laws out there, yet there's never a typed list placed in front of you while growing up. Driving laws aside, you don't ever have to learn them. It's just assumed that you'll pick them up as you wander through life.

It appears that my knowledge of the law comes from watching episodes of Juliet Bravo and The Bill while growing up. Yet strangely, ignorance of the law is no defence in court. So why have "Do Not Drop Litter" signs? Just assume that people should know that they shouldn't drop litter anywhere, just like they shouldn't steal or harm others.

Signs for all or none at all.

I'm not even sure that this post is making sense anymore. I might not have thought this through. I'm half tempted to make a load of signs with various animals crossed off to add to the no dogs sign at the park.

I'll probably get arrested and deported to the new world or something, but there's no "Do not put up your own signs sign out there".

Please Prove You're Not A Robot...

I promise you, If I were a robot, I'd be able to enter the numbers and letters correctly. hdk4hk4h3k3hh3g3d3g-sjs"%%%8hddb 23

I'm Baaaaaaaaack

Well I'm alive still. Blogs are needy bastards aren't they. You leave one alone for a few months and all of a sudden you find yourself scared to even peek at it, for fear of thinking to yourself "Gee, I really ought to write about something that I've done recently" or "Gee, I really ought to do something recently".

A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was in bed with Matt Lucas. Nothing sexual. We were just trying to make each other laugh. With us being naked and in bed, that was an easily accomplished task. Kudos to my subconscious casting agency for being able to conjure him up though.

Dreams are funny things. You flit between being Jason Bourne, the baddie, Jason Bourne again, the baddie, yourself watching Jason Bourne and the baddie fight, a sandwich in a Parisian cafe, Jason Bourne again, before finally getting ready for school, while thinking "But I'm 22, I shouldn't be in high school any more", and not once do you think "Wait! Wait! Wait! That's not right. Something's not making sense here. Your subconscious brain totally accepts it and it all seems fine and plausible.

If the brain can do that, then I have no doubt that if it malfunctions, it can convince you that Tutankhamen is telling you to go up a clock tower with a high-powered packet of Smash potato.

The adventures with adopt-a-dog continue. He's still living with us. I fear we've bonded. He still has his aggression issues.

Do you think there's a magazine called "Aggression?" People walking into their local newsagents and saying "Hi, I believe you've got some Aggression issues for my husband"

In the house, he's a lovely dog. Outside the house, he's like Mike Tyson. He's family now though. And you don't give up on family just because they want to bite passers-by now and then. Auntie Wilma not withstanding.

FIRESTORM!

Well, well, well.

Guess whose brother and family were caught up in a caravan blaze this week....

Yup! It turns out that my brother's caravan went up in flames and caused a minor explosion at a camp site.

That's the last time I mock the "FIRESTORM"!

They are all ok.

I checked.

Camper Van

Camper Vans often have dynamic or "adventurous" names or titles, but I saw one today that was called the "FireStorm".

Now I'm not big on the world of Camper Van manufacturing, but I'm not sure if that's the best name for a vehicle that you are meant to sleep in.

Just imagine settling down for the night, tucked into your sleeping bag, or maybe a duvet if you're lower-middle class, and blissfully dozing off inside your vehicle named the "FIRESTORM".

Dreaming about whether you connected the gas cylinder properly? Is there a working smoke alarm in the van? Will the smoke alarm give you enough time to be able to exit the "FIRESTORM"? And can you unlock the door successfully while your entire body is on fire.

Still, at least you didn't buy the "Gassed Alive", "KA-BOOM!" or "Brakes Sure To Fail" model.

I'm Rambling Again

I have a cold at the moment.

It's alright. I don't want sympathy or anything. I'm sure I'll be fine.

Why do people always say things like "There's something nasty going around.."

And why is there never anything nice going around? Why can't you catch a virus and the major side-effect is better eyesight, or more energy, or a greater capacity to taste wine and cheese?

And what's with "sinister plots". Why is it that whenever you hear of a plot being described in a movie or book, it's always sinister or nefarious? You never hear of a generous or kind plot.

"Two rogue FBI agents go undercover and discover a compassionate plot to rebuild an orphanage...."

Last Night's Dream: RADIATION FROM SPAAAAACE!

Dun-dun-duuunnn!

Or something like that. Think of a dramatic sound effect.

Last night I dreamt that a star or something had emitted a beam of radiation (or something), which resulted in the Earth being hit by said beam (of something), resulting in one half of the Earth being irradiated, or at the very least severely messed up.

In my dream, it left all animals dead, but for some reason, not plant life.

So the half of the planet that took the full brunt ( I don't think I've ever had to type "brunt" before) of the beam was killed instantly (-ish), leaving the remaining half and myself to try to struggle through in our now post-apocalyptic, and rather roomy new world.

I remember there being lots of news reports about various governments laying claim to several now uninhabited countries, as well as people trying to work out what to do with all of the dead bodies.

At one stage, I volunteered to help out with the clean up operation (which really doesn't sound like something I would do, so it could only have been a dream), and I just remember stacking bricks and collecting rags from streets and wherever I could find them. Just how this was supposed to rebuild a country, I have no idea.

House prices went down.