Four Line Poetry

When Clare called round at Michael's
he was changing for their date.
What a horrid shock that was for her
HE'S A WEREWOLF!! ...oops......too late....

Unfinished Poem

There's some mold in my sink
that's making a most terrible stink.
It most probably reached this condition
due to my ongoing and long-standing tradition
of not caring one jot.

Imagine on Tuesday my surprise
when from the mould, life did arise!
Squeaky-high voices at first,
I thought Schizophrenia! or worse-
but then I realised where it came from.

By Wednesday noon, an ambassador came out
and started to shout-
we want our independence
for us and all of our descendants.
So I said I'd think about it.

So in the mean time

by about Thursday teatime
the ambassador returned and placed in my hands
a list of their demands
I said "My god, you're so small."

He said "So what do you think?"
I said "I'm amazed you can get out of the sink-
What are you a millimetre tall?"
The ambassador seemed appalled.
I think I hurt his tiny feelings.

On Friday morning
suddenly without warning
the mould declared war
and by about a quarter to four
I had just about managed to stop laughing.

Saturday, half past five
I was now not so amused, but still alive
But the kitchen sink goo
had signed a unified treaty with some gunk from the loo
And things were starting to look hairy.

Sometimes I Start a Poem and it Just Has to be Stopped

I remember like it was yesterday
Memories like these just don't go away
Not without years of therapy anyway
There's more fish in the sea, or so they say

But you were the one for me

There I was, strolling through the park
With no way of knowing you were about to claim my heart
When suddenly I heard a bark
I looked round and saw you tearing a dog apart

with your bear hands............because you are men-tal.

I admired you, full of grace
as you wiped some puppy from your face
.........

"Overheard Poetry"

Don't get excited, it's not nearly as interesting as it sounds.

A few years ago, I had this zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany idea to write down or record any words, sentences, or snippets of conversation that I heard from passers-by, in a predetermined length of time or over the length of a journey.

Not their whole conversation or anything like that (I'm not MENTAL), just a line or word that clearly stood out from the rest of the background noise.

It made perfect sense at the time.

Anyhoo, some were made in coffee shops, supermarket checkout queues, etc. I came across one the other day that had been scribbled down while walking home from town.

Each line or word was spoken by a different person, and was overheard as I walked past them. Written in the exact order that it was heard.


"Swinging your glow sticks 'round with gay abandon"
"You've done what?"
"It's not busy out there"
"We can do it tomorrow"
"Bye!"
"I'm alright thanks"
"Get away from me"
"I'm stuck! I'm stuck!"
"Who told you that?"
"Do you think my chair ballet will catch on?"
"Uh-huh, oh yeah, alright"
"Okay, you're gay"
"Because this was Julia's first night"
"English to Japanese"
"Oui"
"It's like....."
"Right now I'm stepping into a yard"
"She's really massive"
"You can't beat them"
"Left-handed, one-handed for a fiver"
"They're alive, it serves you sodding right"
"In heels, stilettos"
"All the way down to Hell"


Well! What a fun little project that was. It makes you wonder just what on Earth most of us are talking about while we're wandering around.

Or is that just me?

(I'm not crazy.......)