is the weight of the bar of chocolate sat in front of me.
I want something.
I alone can't obtain it though.
The worst type of failure is when you've done nothing wrong, but your best just isn't what's going to do it.
Because then that isn't a case of you making a mistake, or changing, or fixing something.
This cuts to the heart of you as a person.
I'm still going to try though.
Jan 2011 is the Best Before date on the bar of chocolate sat in front of me.
Wednesday 18 November 2009
Friday 13 November 2009
Improv Friday Poem
Was gravity the killer
that day your rope died?
tragically cut short by my pocket knife
that always had it in for your rope.
We all saw it coming,
well, not you anyway.
unless you were suicidal?
But I never thought that of you.
I can't tell if you liked the ground
or if the ground liked you?
either way
you rushed to meet
on a bed of red.
Who would have thought though
That things would turn out that way?
That you'd survive the fall?
I'm still shocked to this day.
I'd have sworn that fall would have killed you
It did in my head
when I planned the trip that wednesday
I'd have put money on you being dead-
by thursday,
I did!
In fact
20 quid
I should have bet each way
Who could have seen this coming?
A vampire you say?
I should have guessed
They're all the rage
movies and books
all aimed at teenage-
audiences and goths
Well not for me
I'm a mountain climbing serial killer
and I know what I like
people that die when I ask them to
And not some star of Twilight.
that day your rope died?
tragically cut short by my pocket knife
that always had it in for your rope.
We all saw it coming,
well, not you anyway.
unless you were suicidal?
But I never thought that of you.
I can't tell if you liked the ground
or if the ground liked you?
either way
you rushed to meet
on a bed of red.
Who would have thought though
That things would turn out that way?
That you'd survive the fall?
I'm still shocked to this day.
I'd have sworn that fall would have killed you
It did in my head
when I planned the trip that wednesday
I'd have put money on you being dead-
by thursday,
I did!
In fact
20 quid
I should have bet each way
Who could have seen this coming?
A vampire you say?
I should have guessed
They're all the rage
movies and books
all aimed at teenage-
audiences and goths
Well not for me
I'm a mountain climbing serial killer
and I know what I like
people that die when I ask them to
And not some star of Twilight.
Saturday 7 November 2009
Is There Life On Mars?
Probably not. But I fucking hope we find it somewhere soon. Nasa is working on several probes "giggle" to search for aquatic aliens out there on a couple of moons. If we can get them there without carrying bacterial life from Earth and fucking up whatever is there, then I really think we could do with finding life, any life, about now. If only to prove how we're nothing special to the Universe. I know it won't stop the God botherers, but maybe, just maybe, we will realise that we're not that unique, and the Universe won't miss us when we're gone.
1 2 3 BANG!
I can get just 3 channels on my tv.
I just flipped through them.
I can have football.
Rugby.
Horse racing.
Excuse me, I'm just off to top myself.
I just flipped through them.
I can have football.
Rugby.
Horse racing.
Excuse me, I'm just off to top myself.
Saturday Poem
Here I am, sat here in yesterday's underpants
worrying if they're clean
enough to prove me a decent, repectable
human being.
If that lorry hits me
will I really care
when they strip me in the mortuary
and see my underwear?
Will mum rise from her grave and shout
I TOLD YOU SO!
Will I rise from mine
just to die of shame
or will she meet me up in heaven
clutching a fresh pair.
worrying if they're clean
enough to prove me a decent, repectable
human being.
If that lorry hits me
will I really care
when they strip me in the mortuary
and see my underwear?
Will mum rise from her grave and shout
I TOLD YOU SO!
Will I rise from mine
just to die of shame
or will she meet me up in heaven
clutching a fresh pair.
Thursday 5 November 2009
Bonfire Night Update
Two girls, pushing another girl in a shopping trolley just rang my bell, doing the old "Penny for the guy" thing.
First, they have no guy.
Secondly, they have none of my money.
Thirdly, I didn't even answer the door.
Fourthly, my lights are on, and they probably saw me sat at the computer.
Fifthly, they looked about 18.
Sixthly, isn't the guy meant to be thrown onto a bonfire?
First, they have no guy.
Secondly, they have none of my money.
Thirdly, I didn't even answer the door.
Fourthly, my lights are on, and they probably saw me sat at the computer.
Fifthly, they looked about 18.
Sixthly, isn't the guy meant to be thrown onto a bonfire?
Damp squib
Today is Bonfire Night. Traditionally the time when we gather round to ooh and aah at fireworks, while also burning effigies, made from our mum's stockings, and dad's old suit on top of great big piles of rubbish. If we're lucky, some hoodies come to our doorstep's and scream "Penny for the guy!" at us, knowing full well that they want a damn sight more than just a penny. Try giving one of these creative little rascals a penny, and they're likely to shove homemade fireworks through your letterbox. Kids today are a clever bunch. Lazy, but clever. They're always thinking of new and exciting ways to rob you. But I might be generalising a whole generation or two here.
One of the other great traditions of November the 5th is getting pissed on by nature. And I don't mean animals. I mean clouds and stuff. It loves to rain on Bonfire night. It's like nature is furious at us for setting trees on fire, burning shit, and launching missiles into its sky. So, it does its best to drown us every year. I went into town today, and got caught in the rain. It wasn't raining when I went into Poundland, but you can tell something is awry with the weather when people won't let you leave whatever store you are in. You try to get through the doors and its just a wall of people. All pressing themselves into any and all shop doorways. And they couldn't give a fuck if you're trying to get out. If you want to get wet, that's your business, but they are not moving for you. And there's always one SOB with a bike. Wtf? Lengthways, across the doors.
One time, instead of walking around the guy with the bike, I theatrically stepped over his crossbar, woefully misjudging how tall I was. And how long my feet are. And where his bike's saddle was in relation to my oversized foot. The trailing leg was a killer. The whole thing was a mess and I looked like a cross between a blind hurdler and the world's most uncertain bike thief. If it takes you longer than 6-7 seconds to step over somebody's bike, then it becomes a farce. The guy was pretty good about it. He couldn't give a f_ck as long as he was dry.
Tonight's rain was a pain in the arse. I wasn't prepared for it. To be honest, I had completely forgotten that tonight was bonfire night. It's a bit like the school holidays. When I was at school, I knew exactly when, where, and how each school holiday was on the calender. But the second I left school, all that got deleted. Now, when somebody asks me "There's a lot of kids about today, have they broken up?", I really haven't got a clue.
It's a bit like that with bonfire night now. I associate that with being something that I did when I was younger. I still love fireworks, but my desire to watch pallets and old sofas burn has long since left me. I have no idea when exactly, but it probably left about the same time that I gave up wearing a school tie.
Tonight's rain was the bad kind. The bigger than normal kind. The extra fat droplets.
And cold too. The colder than normal rain. The kind that soaks you through, goes down the back of your neck, and makes little streams trickle down your nose. I took shelter in the supermarket, went into the washroom and found a teenage boy wetting his hair wtf? It's pissing it down outside and he's wetting his hair??? I looked in the mirror, and apart from the two water droplets hanging from my earlobes like earrings, I didn't look too bad. Sorta like a glamorous drowned rat.
Now I'm sat here.
My clothes are drying, before I put them to wash. (Don't).
I'm bound sure to get a cold.
And to really take the mickey, I have fireworks going off in every direction except the one that all my windows face. So.....if I want to watch the fireworks tonight, I'm gonna have to get wet again. Nature has a twisted sense of humour.
Happy Bonfire Night everyone.
One of the other great traditions of November the 5th is getting pissed on by nature. And I don't mean animals. I mean clouds and stuff. It loves to rain on Bonfire night. It's like nature is furious at us for setting trees on fire, burning shit, and launching missiles into its sky. So, it does its best to drown us every year. I went into town today, and got caught in the rain. It wasn't raining when I went into Poundland, but you can tell something is awry with the weather when people won't let you leave whatever store you are in. You try to get through the doors and its just a wall of people. All pressing themselves into any and all shop doorways. And they couldn't give a fuck if you're trying to get out. If you want to get wet, that's your business, but they are not moving for you. And there's always one SOB with a bike. Wtf? Lengthways, across the doors.
One time, instead of walking around the guy with the bike, I theatrically stepped over his crossbar, woefully misjudging how tall I was. And how long my feet are. And where his bike's saddle was in relation to my oversized foot. The trailing leg was a killer. The whole thing was a mess and I looked like a cross between a blind hurdler and the world's most uncertain bike thief. If it takes you longer than 6-7 seconds to step over somebody's bike, then it becomes a farce. The guy was pretty good about it. He couldn't give a f_ck as long as he was dry.
Tonight's rain was a pain in the arse. I wasn't prepared for it. To be honest, I had completely forgotten that tonight was bonfire night. It's a bit like the school holidays. When I was at school, I knew exactly when, where, and how each school holiday was on the calender. But the second I left school, all that got deleted. Now, when somebody asks me "There's a lot of kids about today, have they broken up?", I really haven't got a clue.
It's a bit like that with bonfire night now. I associate that with being something that I did when I was younger. I still love fireworks, but my desire to watch pallets and old sofas burn has long since left me. I have no idea when exactly, but it probably left about the same time that I gave up wearing a school tie.
Tonight's rain was the bad kind. The bigger than normal kind. The extra fat droplets.
And cold too. The colder than normal rain. The kind that soaks you through, goes down the back of your neck, and makes little streams trickle down your nose. I took shelter in the supermarket, went into the washroom and found a teenage boy wetting his hair wtf? It's pissing it down outside and he's wetting his hair??? I looked in the mirror, and apart from the two water droplets hanging from my earlobes like earrings, I didn't look too bad. Sorta like a glamorous drowned rat.
Now I'm sat here.
My clothes are drying, before I put them to wash. (Don't).
I'm bound sure to get a cold.
And to really take the mickey, I have fireworks going off in every direction except the one that all my windows face. So.....if I want to watch the fireworks tonight, I'm gonna have to get wet again. Nature has a twisted sense of humour.
Happy Bonfire Night everyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)