I got pooped on by a bird last week.
I would have written about it sooner but I've only just calmed down about it. My rage was preventing me from forming words or being able to type anything other than "How to purchase vials of bird flu" into Google.
It was my own fault really for standing outside. Birds don't want you outside. They barely tolerate us juuuuuust long enough to top up the bird feeder.
Don't get me wrong, I love birds. I just hate it when they poop on me.
I got pooped on by a flying Swan once. It was huge! I thought the Swan had laid an egg at first. It was like luggage falling off a plane. It was like being hit by a wet coconut.
I think the worst part about being shat on is when someone says something like "That's supposed to be a sign of good luck, that is".
I hate that. It's bad enough that you have been violated by a Chaffinch, but then someone tries to tell you that you should feel special about it.
I've been playing the lottery on and off since it started. I've been in hundreds of lottery queues and not once, not ONCE have I seen anybody in the queue that is holding a pigeon above their head.
Don't try to tell me it's lucky.
