If I ever accidentally had a child, I wouldn't need to hire a babysitter.

There's always someone worse off than yourself.

Whenever anything would go wrong, if I was feeling down about something, my dad would always say something like "There's always someone worse off than you".
But that's like a sliding scale of shit.
I mean, it only works for so long before you get to the guy that has numerous horrible diseases, is riddled with cancer, is having a double heart attack, was born with only one arm (that has a shark chewing on it), is blind, deaf, mentally retarded, is surrounded by people taunting him for being mentally retarded, has no fashion sense, is naked, with a horse buggering him, the horse has fleas, and aids, even the fleas have aids, the guy's phone is ringing constantly but he can't answer it because his only good arm has a shark on the end of it, and his guide dog has just died after being hit by a car, his car that was just stolen by a gypsy who also just happened to place a curse on the guy. The guy has no legs, just wheels, rusty wheels that squeak every time the guy moves, which is often because he's in constant fucking agony, moving and flailing his shark arm everywhere. He has gum disease and malaria of the nipple, a parasite fish is living in his penis that plays loud music every night, he is allergic to everything, particularly bees, which is unfortunate because he sweats pollen, especially when he's nervous, like now. He sweats pollen but cries tears of crude oil, and he has reason to cry because BP have plans to put an oil rig up his ass after the horse has finished with him, they'll have to put him out first because he's on fire, did I mention he's on fire? Which is almost a good thing, because it stops the mugger from stabbing him more than 12 times, the mugger who's trying to rob the guy of his shark. In the midst of being late for his appointment with the cancer specialist, having TWO heart attacks, being raped by a horse (with aids), the shark attack, being stabbed and on fire, the guy has accidentally "parked" himself in a no-parking zone, and is about to get a ticket from a traffic warden. A traffic warden who also just happens to be the guy's mother. She tells him that she's very disappointed in him and that she wishes the 14 abortions had worked, in her attempt to get rid of him. He can't hear this however because he's deaf. So she uses a dirty syringe from a nearby alley to carve her message to him, in braille on his testicles. The guy's house has just been bombed by a right-wing extremist home makeover show, his dad is in fact the horse that is raping him, his hairline has started to recede, he badly needs to shit himself, but BP have started laying pipe before he can, the horse has now decided to randomly kick the guy in the head with a rusty horseshoe, the guy gets tetanus from the horseshoe, his favourite tv show is about to get cancelled, his girlfriend dumps him for having sex with a horse, a horse that is also his father, and a unicorn, the horse magically gets the guy pregnant after raping him, pregnant with triplets, triplet centaurs that will kick their way out through the guys face, he has a paper cut, has stubbed his toe, and God has just decided to localize the apocalypse to just this one guy.

But, BUT there's always someone worse off than yourself.