In The News....Stupid People

I read in the paper last week, or was it two weeks ago? About a young woman that had just been found guilty of assisting her mother in the attempted murder of her elderly grandfather. Apparently in the days before the attack on the guy (who was 89, I believe), she had Googled something like "Best way to kill an elderly person".

Armed with this new knowledge, the girl and her mother then attempted to murder the frail pensioner with bricks.

That's right. Bricks.

With the WHOLE power of Google and ALL of the combined might and thoughts of some of the World's most infamous schemers, the best method that they could come up with was to throw bricks at him until he died.

What the fuckity fuck fuck?

That was it? That was their master plan? Did they just expect grandpa to stand there and not protest while they threw bits of a house at him?

And what the hell were they going to tell the scene of crime officers when they turned up?

'Poor dad. He loved making walls, he did. We often went out and left him to it. He'd always say to us "You go shopping, and when you get back, I'll have a shiny new wall in the garden waiting for you.'

'We got back from Morrison's and there he was, dead. Dead under a pile of bricks. At least he died doing what he loved.'

Have these people not seen CSI? And the guy was 89! What, they couldn't wait a few more years for the inheritance? Just how thick were these two? I'd lock them up just to get their bloody genes out of the gene pool. I didn't see much more about the case, but I half expect that they had a new will written out leaving everything to them. Written in crayon saying something like "I leev it all 2 my darlin doorta n grandoorta. n dey dint kil me."

I'm just stunned that with the help of Google, that's the best plan that they could come up with. Dear god. How did they even manage to figure out how to turn the computer on?

Well, the old guy escaped (Hurrah!) and the two useless wannabee killers are facing some jail time ahead of them. This time I hope they're bricking themselves,

An Absence of Paperweights

I know that in the world of motor vehicles, People Carriers are quite "in" right now. What a stupid name for a car. When have you ever seen a car, truck or van that isn't a people carrier?

Tony: 'Hiya Frank, how's the new car?'

Frank: 'Oh it's super! We should have bought one of these years ago.'

Tony: 'It's one of those new people carriers isn't it?'

Frank: 'Yup! Best investment I've ever made.'

Tony: 'What type did you have before?'

Frank: 'One of those cars where you had to walk along beside it.'

Tony: 'We've got one that you have to walk behind. We used to have one that you walked in front of, but 2 of the kids weren't quick enough and they got run over.'

Frank: 'Oh?'

Tony: 'Yeah, well they weren't really walking age. With hindsight we probably should have been carrying them, but y'know what with shopping and stuff. The manufacturer recalled them in the end.

Frank: 'Bloody health and safety gone mad.'

Tony: 'So that just leaves Tony Jr. He started at high school last month.'

Frank: 'How's he getting on?'

Tony: 'OK. But he's been getting into trouble for arriving late these last couple of weeks.'

Frank: 'Well it's a long walk to the school from where you live innit.'

Tony: 'Yeah. We got him a pushbike, thinking it would help, but he said pushing it the 6 miles to school and back just wears him out.'

Frank: 'Has he tried riding it?'

Tony: 'It's called a push bike, Frank.'