Blogging? You wanna try childbirth mate!

I was making tea today. Nothing new there, but I opened the cupboard, turned to put the teabag into the cup, turned back and caught my chest on the corner of the cupboard door. Right across my right nipple.
I thought I'd torn it clean off.
I was actually scared to look at the damage I'd done.
I had visions of me putting my nipple in a bag of frozen peas, racing to my nearest casualty department and asking them to sew it back on. And no, I don't remember which way up it goes.

Have you ever caught your shin or something, or fallen over and been too scared to look at the wound that you're convinced is there? I mean if it's covered by clothing, I can be 100% sure that I have a gaping wound, with blood trickling down. Then once I've plucked up the courage to look, there's usually nothing there and the pain just vanishes. Or subsides at least.

Anyway, I mentioned my accident to a couple of friends tonight and mentioned that I'd never felt pain like it. My (female) friend's immediate reply was;

'Pain? You wanna try childbirth! Then you'll know pain!'

As a man, and I believe that I am a man, just what comeback do I have to that? I've got nothing.

'.......he stabbed me 15 times and then poured petrol over me and set me alight. It was horrific'

'HORRIFIC? You wanna try childbirth mate! Then you'll know real horror!'

'........I accidentally got my hair caught in the mincer at the local butcher's shop and had my face ripped off and pulled into the sausage mix. Customers within a 10-mile radius have been eating my face for the past week. It's been quite traumatic'

'TRAUMATIC? You wanna try childbirth you lazy f_cker! Then you'll know real trauma!!'

There's just no real comeback to somebody that says that. And if I can be frank (hello frank!), the only thing that men have that women can't experience is the joy of a kick to the male reproductive organs. And even then, it's not a competition. You hardly ever hear a guy say;

'Pain? Try a swift boot to the vicar's friends, and then you'll know real pain!!'

How many times have you heard a guy say that to a woman that's just complained about the pain of childbirth? I'm guessing not many. But take pity on the guy that complains about pain, within earshot of a new mother.