I Put Some Peanuts Out For The Squirrels Today

Squirrel: 'Hey, look at these peanuts I found'

Another Squirrel: 'Wow. Where'd you score those?'

Squirrel: 'Down by the tree'

Another Squirrel: 'Which tree?'

Squirrel: 'The tree'

Another Squirrel: 'Yes, but which tree? I mean there's a lot of them'

Squirrel: 'Well they were by the tree that has the other tree next to it'

Another Squirrel: 'O-k. But I'm asking which tree. I mean, what if I want to go and search for some nuts of my own?'

Squirrel: 'There aren't any more. I brought all of them that were there'

Another Squirrel: 'I can see that. You're still spitting them out. What is that, 35 now? Where are you pulling these from? You should watch that, you'll strain something. Anyway, what tree? Describe it to me'

Squirrel: 'Well, like I said. It's the tree that has another tree just next to it. Oh and it's budding'

Another Squirrel: 'Yeah well, it's that time of year. That doesn't help me much'

Squirrel: 'It's the one that sometimes has dog pee on it'

Another Squirrel: 'That'll be all of them. I mean give me something to work with here'

Squirrel: 'Erm.....it has bark on it?'

Another Squirrel: 'I'm going to hit you in a minute'

Squirrel: 'It's about 4 trees in from the fence'

Another Squirrel: 'Which fence?'

Squirrel: 'The fence around the field where Dylan lives'

Another Squirrel: 'Now we're getting somewhere.........! Say what? Dylan who?'

Squirrel: 'Dylan......... the sheep'

Another Squirrel: 'How do you know what his name is? Since when could you speak sheep? We can't talk as it is. Frankly I have no idea how we're having this conversation'

Squirrel: 'No. I don't talk sheep, silly. We communicate in other ways'

Another Squirrel: 'Like what? Notes or something? I mean we don't share a written language'

Squirrel: 'No. We gesticulate to each other'

Another Squirrel: 'You what? That's disgusting'

Squirrel: 'GES-TIC-U-LATE. You know. Moving arms and stuff. Like charades'

Another Squirrel: 'Oh!'

Squirrel: 'Yeah. We "chat" now and then. He's a nice guy. Likes cars'

Another Squirrel: 'Wait. How did he tell you his name was Dylan?'

Squirrel: 'Gesticulation'

Another Squirrel: '..............So............about where you found these nuts......'

Squirrel: 'Between the 2 trees, 4 trees in from the fence'

Another Squirrel: 'Which part of the fence? I mean it's a long fence. There are trees all over the place by that fence, we're up to our arses in branches y'know'

Squirrel: 'Well, I was stood talking to Dylan and when we had said cheerio, I walked over towards the left. This paw. And then a little way in, I saw the nuts. So it's to the left of Dylan'

Another Squirrel: 'I am so going to hit you. He moves about a lot. How does that help me?'

Squirrel: 'Tomorrow I'll ask Dylan if he can remember which part of the fence he was stood by'

Another Squirrel: 'The fence that all looks the same. Next to the trees that all look the same'

Squirrel: 'Yes'

Another Squirrel: 'Y'know this is why the humans put signs up all over the place. So they can find their nuts. This is precisely why we can never find where we've hidden ours. A very real lack of signage and place names'

Squirrel: 'Yes, but if we did that, they'd notice'