Sunday Night

Nothing much to report tonight.

I have a fully-fledged cold :(
I have also finished off the last of the grapes. I have never eaten 3kg of grapes before and I don't think I'll be eating grape, raisin or sultana for the next, oh.....20 or 50 years?
It nearly killed me. I couldn't tell whether it was Swine Flu or an accidental consumption of a lethal dose of grapes.

I found a Spider's web on one of the bunches. That freaked me out.
That's when my brain starts to be really unhelpful with thoughts like:
"I bet there's a deadly spider in the bag"
"I bet there's a deadly spider hiding inside the bunch of grapes"
"I bet there's a spider hiding inside one of the grapes, where we can't see it"
"I bet it's heavily pregnant....."
SHUT UP BRAIN!

Isn't it hilarious how your brain will always conjure up the thing that will scare you the most at the most scariest moment. Being the brain, it's privy to all that insider knowledge.

Whenever I have to walk through the middle of some random wood, the kind with trees, not a plank or a floorboard, I spend half the time thinking about all the horror films I've seen and "if this was a horror film, the killer would be behind me........now!"
So I look behind and then think "if this was a horror film, when I turn to face the front again, the killer will be right in front of me......now!"
Followed by "if this was a horror film, the killer would now be behind me...." and so on and so forth. For the entire walk, which I guess eventually becomes a run.
Oh yes, camping with me is a barrel of laughs.

Amalia and I stopped for lunch near a lake on Vancouver Island. We'd brought proper food, when I say lunch and lake, I don't mean we were fishing or Trout tickling.
I had finally, FINALLY gotten used to the wildlife of Canada and being in surroundings that had things that really would eat us if they had the chance.
In the UK, the only things that would possibly eat you are really big Pigs, homeless people, and maybe a flock of Sparrow Hawks.
Escaped zoo animals don't count. Or serial killers.

Anyway, we sat at the waters edge, with our backs towards the treeline. For some reason, Amalia thought that she heard rustling coming from the trees and had the feeling that we were being watched. The word "Cougar" came up, and we're talking David Attenborough type Cougar and not Sex in the City type Cougar.
Cougars seemed to be the one thing that still held fear for me. I'd gotten over the Bear thing, hadn't seen a Spider at all, and Wolves, well who can be scared of Wolves? They're like lots of adorable doggies.
Nothing happened, but it was my scariest lunch EVER. I was still facing the water, but kept looking back towards the trees ever 30 seconds, and ate the food too quickly. My neck muscles have never recovered. Nor my bowel.

Amalia still insists that there was something there.
My mind instantly went to a Canadian version of Deliverance. I disliked that film, so I didn't fancy fighting off a bunch of really polite rapists. But do you see what I mean, your brain always comes up with the scariest thing it can. A few snapping branches and Amalia thinks "Cougar", while my brain said "Maple-syrup drinking good ol' boys with a pet Cougar that's trained to eat English people".

My problem is that my brain comes up with things that aren't logical or very likely to happen.
We've discussed this and in the "flight or flight" .......
hmm.
I seem to have put "flight or flight" instead of the "flight or fight" that I intended to put. Well, I guess that gives you an indication of which way I'm inclined to go.

If Amalia jumps out at me, I normally freeze, wiggle my arms a little bit, then run for help.
If I jump out at Amalia, she normally jumps and then hits me. Which I guess is a good thing and has nothing to do with how she really feels about me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm brave when I have to be. I can fight off Bears, with pointy sticks with the best of them.
We climbed (ahem, walked) up a mountain one day and for each pile of Bear poop we came across, I acquired myself a slightly longer stick.
I had visions of me poking a really friendly, but misunderstood Bear, while shouting to Amalia to run while I saved her.

*Me poking Bear with stick.
Bear "Ouch! Stop poking me. Have you seen any good berries around here?"
Me "Run Amalia! RUUUUUUUN!"
*Pokes Bear again
Bear "Hey! Stop that. That's really irritating".
Me "RUUUUUUUUUUUN! .......some more. Keep running".
*Jabs Bear in the ribs
Bear "Will you stop that, you're really winding me up....."
*Poke
Bear "Stop it!"
*Poke Poke
Bear "Will you...!"
*Poke Jab Poke
Bear "Please stop. That's really...."
*Poke Jab Jab Poke Jab
Bear "I'M WARNING YOU".
Me "RUN AMALIA! IT SEEMS REALLY ANGRY!
*Poke
Bear "RIGHT! THAT'S IT! I'M SITTING ON YOU AND EATING YOUR TROUSERS!"
*Poke Poke

Anyway. That's what my brain comes up with. Well, it did in that case.

I have a cold.